49th Day

Ben & i went to the crematorium in Bishan today. Time to pray for XingZong. But not many ppl turned out compared to tt time. Just ard 10 of us. We met his brother at 830. We entered into the hall where all the photos were stored. Retrived XZ's photo and the monk brought us into a room. We started the prayer. Throughout the whole process, i jus stared into the photo. I cant really figured out what went through my mind. Numb & empty. Pieces of memeories jus flashes here n there. But i am jus thankful for all the times i spent with him. I dont believe in after-life. But in XZ's case, i kept wondering what is he doing now, at this moment. Stupid rite? Will he continue his life as who is he right now but in a different world. Have the same look and same personalities, etc. Or jus empty, like the time before each of us were borned.

After the prayer, the monk brought us back to the hall where we burned his photo to ashes. Why? I also not sure. But tears ran down almost on everyone cheeks, especially Ben's. I didnt cried. I think i m immune to the sorrow and sadness. Next, we went to burn joss papers n etc. I saw the t-shirt where all his friends wrote blessings for him. I received a pink packet from one of his uncle. Spend the money inside to forget him and move on. I plan to throw it when i went for diving this dec. We made a pact n i think he will be waiting for me to dive with him again.